Dear New Friend and Numerous Old Enemies:
Perhaps my antiquated, now, out of print and never published manuscript might be able to cast some meaningful light on this emerging controversy: Cyberspace Civility, but, I doubt it.
Nevertheless, that is to say, none the least, I feel compelled to muddle the water further, because that is what we do, here, at the less than prestigious BIRD DROPPINGS INSTITUTE, A Right Wing, Left of Centered, Fundamentally Flawed, Conservative Conspirators THINK TANK For Smart Ales’, By Smart Ales’, Of Smart Ales’, So, Help Me God, Under One Nation, Indivisible by a Quantum of Really Slow, Politically Correct Neanderthals!
Here is a thumbnail “cheat sheet” for those more fortunate that I, in a hurry, with something important to do rather than wasting their valuable time reading this doggerel.
“Giving one the thumbs up!” - IS CIVIL. “Giving one the FINGER!” – IS NOT?
“Telling one to KISS my Grits!” – IS CIVIL. “Telling one to KISS my Ass!” - Is more specific, colorful and readily understood, even by card carrying members of the “T in Tea Party is For Terrorism” political challenged and learning disabled congregants, (sorry, Mr. President, but, I have been waiting a long time to use that purloined phrase); at last, ‘KISS MY ASS IS NOT CIVIL - especially if one is in church. Peoples get so uppity now days; it is really difficult to be rude.
“Pardon me; I am afraid I did not understand you.” IS CIVIL.
“Back off You, Jerk wad!” IS NOT.
“Hello, Mother” IS CIVIL. “Yo, momma!” IS Ebonicsally NOT!
“Please, would you mind, so terribly much, if I asked you to remove that pistol muzzle from in front of my luscious lips, I am claustrophobic and I may, very well, might suck it?” IS CIVIL!
“You think that’s a piece – I’ll show you ‘a piece’, Punk!” IS NOT- even close, but more effective.
These and other samples are available for a price – a very considerable price for those of you that need a guide, a sort of Hand Bag To Civility to guide one through the labyrinthine of modern society in these politically correct time. Available for an arm and a leg at most run down, government owned public parks throughout the world, except Canada.
This not so new, worn, dusty, and rarely viewed "New Approved, Extended Guide to Civility and Conservative Thought: THE ART OF DISRESPECTING OTHERS" is available to former teachers, editors, Tyler, of the newsvine censor czar, and, language traffic cops desperate to write a grammatical ticket to some dumb smock that haphazardly offended one with colorful language that may have bumped one into the light and made one think “outside the box.”
By, the way how is it in there? Is there ever any thinking going on, “inside the box”? I asked, in a purely, simple, but, highly civil tone and manner? Please, put down the gun and return to your sleeping!
Disrespecting Yours,
Jonathan Livingston Pigeon
CEO and Founder
The Bird Droppings Institution
Mildew, Ohio
(Right smack dab in the middle of John “The Weeper of the House” Boehner’s 8Th Congressional District – where there are no jobs because “crying Johnnie” sent them overseas to fed the starving “kids” in China, so that, we, his weary constituents, may live happily ever after eating government cheese.)
NOTE: This post is filled with numerous exaggerations, grammatical errors, misspelling and faulty thinking. See how many of them you can find, circle them and register to win twenty-two rounds of your favorite ammunition. GOOD LUCK. Remember to shoot first and ask questions after - In God We Trust, Amen and Pass The Ammo.