NOTE TO READERS: THIS IS AN UNAUTHORIZED HISTORY OF THE "TEA NATION" - Scrawled in Haste, by a Raving, Pissed Off, Odd Bird; A Half-Baked, Discombobulated, Scrambled Brained, Former Reagan Republican Turned Gay-Liberal-Democrat Over-Night By Watching Too Much Fox TV Network News Without An Anti-Septic Filter. An Octogenarian With A Long History of Contributing to Social Security and An Even Longer Record of Abusing It.
I fear that if this make me as a SOCIALIST to my Right Wing Conservative, Born-Again, Evangelical, Gun-Toting, Christian, Republican Licking Political Cousins; Then, I Guess I Must Be - Cause, as you all are aware, Republicans Never Lie - If They Can Evade The Truth!
In 2008, the Koch Brothers, (pronounced Coke, as in sucking on Diet Coke bottles until their lips are miss-shaped), took the summer off from beating their minimum wage earning workers into submission, and secretly funded the the so called, TEA PARTY REVOLUTION, which turned into an instantaneous national sensation.
The Tea Bag platform of anti-government, anti in-power government (Democrats) and anti sit-ting-president (Obama ) galvanized America's ever growing throng of High School drop outs, Confederate Flag Waving-Pick Up Truck Wrecking Drunk Hillbillies and Southern Baptist Evan-helical TV Preachers with its simple demands: Smaller Government, No Taxes, Christian Nation and Return To The Original Constitution. Even a moron could understand this platform, and, most did.
The Tea Party, funded by the Koch Brothers, became a summer sensation; an unparalleled mob of right wing hysterias that seeped through the country like Typhoid Mary on Crack Cocaine; ravaging the nation with a bitter, racially motivated campaign that would have made George Wallace proud. The Tea Buggers stormed through the Southern Red States like Scarlet Fever - reproducing in the largely unpopulated, isolated area of the South West, favored by militant survivalist groups.
The "lunatic fringe," (which I am happy to say, I am a card carrying mumbler), finally had a powerful, virulent anti-Northern, anti-status quo, near pervert-free agenda: Deep fried Southern Klan mythology; covered in a thick layer of Hidden, Secret-Coded, Right-Wing, Double Speak; deliciously laced with a tasty dose of Wild-Eyed Conspiracy Theroies purloined "right smack" from the lame play-book of that great, late Right-Wing, Radical Conservative Republican organization, so popular in the paranoid 1950s, The John Birch Society.
Our, unimpeachable research team, here, the Bird Droppings Institution, spotlighted the infantile leadership of the new, uptight, Tea Party, in their White Paper, "Tea Or Nuts?, which exposed, oddly to no avail, the "We Hate Incumbents" theology of the Koch Industries grassroots organization.
The Tea Party, never-the-less, took the nation by stormed that "slow news" summer, thanks to it being continuously stoked nightly by that brilliant political scholar, Glenn Beck, and, fanned by the babel of Unstable Right Wing Commentators on Fox TV Network News: Sean Hannity, Bill O'Rielly and Mike Huckabee.
Meanwhile, the near insane spokespersons for this "spontaneous," Koch Brothers funded organization, consisted primarily of an assortment of clearly clever nuts, who naively laid all of the country's ills at the feet of the newly elected president, Barack Obama; in office, less than 16 months, time, enough, to convert America to Socialism.
The fact that the newly elected president was the first African-American (Black) elected to the highest office in the land, did not go unnoticed to the frolicking founders of the Tea Party more belligerent and militant arm, the Neo-Right-Wing-Zea-lots, who crawled out from under every rock, crevice and cranny in America to vent their decade long pent-up bile and blame someone - "anyone" for their sufferings.
"My eyes are crossed and no one has dotted my T's", they shouted through bull horns and threw eggs at each other at their rallies and Town Meetings filmed nightly by Fox TV Network News.
Respected political analysts through out the world, watched in horror; filing story after story about the obvious historic comparisons to Germany of the 1930s. But, these "Voices in the Wilderness" were routinely vilified by the new gods of the media, Fox TV Network News and America unelected, self-appointed Minister of Education, Rush Limbaugh, who lambasted critics, liberals, gays, left handed people and democrats on his nauseating daily-nightly nationally syndicated, HATE SPEECH RADIO program.
Limbaugh called forth his legion of zombies, "the ditto heads" to join the TEA Party, (Koch Industries funded Grassroots Revolution), and instructed them to "take back our country," and, while they were at it, "their right to marry their first cousins" from the Socialist, "even at the point of a gun," he screamed, over the air waves from the confines of his gilded, locked studio, inside a sound proof bunker hidden in the bowels of Gotham, adjacent to Pastor Terry's office.
While helpless historians, political pundits and scholars wrote countless comparisons to the National Socialist Germany Worker's Party, (brought to power in 1933), the Tea Party Revolutionaries, undeterred, gain power in Beer Halls throughout America, promoted relentlessly by the media clout of Fox TV Network News. Money poured into their headquarters by the dump-truck loads. More than $140,000,000 dollars of free TV time was donated by Fox TV Network News to the cause, with International Corporations rasing an addition one billion dollars for the Tea-Republicans for use in the upcoming Mid-Term elections of 2008. Was it any wonder they won in a landslide, proving once again that "American Elections Can Be Bought"?
To the enlightened, the Bird Droppings Institute staff and its janitor, it was not lost on those of us old enough to remember the reality of WWII. We, who knew those brave men and women who fought real evil, not the Faux Evil manufactured by the Faux TV Network News, changed our Depends more frequently and worried about our fellow country men, and, their dimly lit leaders.
Clearly, the historical nuances were lost on this mostly White, well scrubbed band of "new American revolutionaries," who grew up wearing Pampers; secured in their insulated, cozy all "White Bread Only" gated communities with little to fret about, lots to eat and a culture driven by "instant gratification".
The "Happy Days" generation, as we named them, here, at the Institution, the Michelle Bachmann "Air Heads" now had a "cause" and, as latent arsonists, they lit a political fire that hasn't been properly extinguished, as of yet, despite the incalculable damaged that it has wreaked on this once great nation, the world, and, America's image abroad.
The phenomenon driven by the deep pockets of the Extreme Ultra Conservative Koch Brothers swelled the Tea Republicans ranks with half-wits, nit-wits, the witless and the weary, (most of my in-bred relatives), gobbling up all of the "loose cannons" in the USA into one "crazy bowl" of politcal Jello minus Bill Cosby. The Tea & Nuts Party of Near Psycho-paths were soon joined in their mischief by their fellow disillusioned tribemen, "The Legions of Wannabe Somebodies," the unemployable, who had been out of work since their release from prison - a decade earlier.
This modern day Motley Crew sang out of tune and single-handily transformed the dark comedy of that brilliant film, "Broadcast News," into their anthem and unleased the energies of every "Mad Hatter" in America onto a simplistic public of latent homosexual sleep whackers looking for someone to pick on warm summer nights, or so we have been told.
This Army of Angry Tea Bangers were reeling from the lost of their jobs; infuriated with the evaporation of their IRAs, savings, and, the rising cost of living; victimized by the collapsing financial markets and struggling to avoid foreclosure on their home mortgages - took to the streets in search of a "cause celeb", eventually, discovering that publicity hound, Donald Trump, the Reality TV Star, hiding in his own "COMB OVER", tucked and hermetically inside the "arse" of one of the Koch Brothers, Kochtopussy.
"The Whites Only Paradise Bubble" was bursting; and the "The Mad as Hell - Ain't Gonna Take It No More" modern avengers were ripe for action and the taking. And, taken they were! They were co-opted, hijacked in mid-stream by the Koch Brothers & Fox TV Network News!
The Point of This Treatise is:
SHOULDN'T THE PRESIDENT JUST RESIGN AND HAND THE KEYS TO THE WHITE-HOUSE OVER TO "THE DONALD"? TRUMP GRADUATED FROM WHARTON BUSINESS SCHOOL, AFTER ALL! The President, on the other hand, only graduated from Harvard Law School.
"Donald's The Man, Now! - Me Vote For Him!" is our research team's bumper sticker and its going right on our forehead, next to the stitches from the frontal lobotomy.