"Here we are Ring Master Koch Brothers," rang out the this actual commercial inside my head, as I, Jonathan Livingston Pigeon, ("Doctored"), Flounder & CEO of The Bird Droppings Institute - A RIGHT WING, LEFT OF CENTERED, FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED, CONSERVATIVE CONSPIRATORS THINK TANK For Smart Alec's, located just a sharp right turn from Commonsense, in lovely, but nearly deserted, downtown Mildew, Ohio - right smack dab in the middle of the Weeperof the House, Johnnie A. Boner's 8ThCongressional District, where there are no jobs because Crying Johny sent them all overseas to China, which is OK with us because we are mostly all left-leaning Socialist Democrats that don't want to work and just LOVE THAT FREE GOVERNMENT CHEESE.
As I smacked myself with my wooden mallet, which is me practice, I heard the most beautiful commercial for the new Tea Republican Party, since, "Shoot Them In The Head," by Glenn Beck aired. The commercial played non-stop on the radio in me head. It screamed at full volume in a voice that could only come from that very distinguished, but, obviously twisted long-time Conservative Republican actor, Kelsey Kramer. Kelsey sang the introduction over and over again:
"Where Are The Clowns? Bring In The Clowns."
Then, a screaming mob of really low functioning, predominantly White Americans, former NA-SCAR and World Wrestling Federation fans stampeded to their cheap wooden seats opening up their cans of warm beer and smoking Camels non-stop.
"Where Are The Clown?" Kelsey sang. Man, that White Boy Can Sing!
"HERE'S WE BE, RING MASTER KOCH AND RING MASTER RUPERT - We be here!" shouted back the audience of semi-literates. "The Entire Koch Brothers & Rupert Murdoch Circus," joined in, in unison, except Palin who was off-key pleasuring her self with a hand held mirror, staring deeply into it as if mesmerized by her own image.
Kelsey, gorgeously costumed, in the traditional black tie, tail and wearing Black Face, given to him by that great comedian turned activist, Ted Dan-son. Kelsey explained to the drooling audience, that Ted Danson of Cheers fame "- couldn't be here, tonight. He is home getting his ass whooped byWhoopi Goldberg for the last time he pulled off this crass routine out of his racist closet".
Kelsey shouted like a maniac on crack, "The Republican Circus Is Coming To Town," he said,while he pleasured S. Palin, who pleasured Rupert Murdoch, who, was busy pick-pocketing the unsuspecting members of audience as they arrived.
"The 2012 Line Up," boomed our sometime favorite actor in that great voice derived from years of alcohol abuse. "Tonight and Every Damn Night Till November 2012 - The Circus Is In Town - Featuring the Geatest Ego Maniac in the Universe, The Republican Headliner, The Donald - The Self Exploding F-Bomber With The World's Longest Comb Over; And, introducing again and again, the Half-Governor - Half Reality TV Hucksters, Sarah Palin And Her Entire Dysfunctional Family of Sex Addicts, Who Will Perform Feats of Abstain-ism Live; and From the Deep, Prejudice South - Newt - The Meanest Man In Town - Gingrich. Watch Him Maneuver The Tight Wire As He Coldly Serves Divorce Papers On His Sick Wife - While She Is Recuperating From Cancer Surgery - Truly, Newt Is The Meanest Man In TWhole Damn Town - Meaner Than A Junk Yard Dog!"
Kelsey broke into an improvised Jazz Riff until someone in the audience hit him in the head with a potatoe which brought him back to the Great Republican Circus and his duties as M.C.
After first trying to smoke the potatoes, Kelsey tossed it back to the audience and several famished, unemployed audience members took turns eating it. Kelsey bellowed: "See for the first time, theMega Mom, Michelle Bachman & Her Brood of 29 Children - Only 24 Raised On Public Assistance," Kelsey magically picked up the narrative like the consummate professional that he is when not drunk or stoned or sleeping around at Republican-Christian-Born Again, Tea Republican, Family Values Political Rallies that he loves to attend as a Key Note Speaker.
Kelsey added, "Michelle Bachman Has Pledged That When Elected As The First White, Maybe-Female, American President - She Will Personally Dismantle Public Assistance Programs - Right Before Your Eyes And Right After Destroying Medicare, Social Security and Student Loans," at which point, the crowd of Confederate Flag waving,very intoxicated patrons shouted obscenities, danced in the aisle and showed their true colors, Blue & Grey.
"Last and Certainly The Least Qualified," Kelsey opined, in that soft, silly voice that only a strung out actor on cocaine can properly do, "Mike Hackable - The Fire & Brim Stone Eating Baptist Preacher From the Not So Hot State of Arkansas, The State With The Lowest Percentage of High School Graduates And Highest Percentage of Former Neanderthal Slant Heads!"
Kelsey concluded to thunderous applause and added, "AND, NOW IT IS MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU THE WORLDS WEALTH-EST RING MASTERS - The Ultra Right Wing Conservative Koch Brothers and the Evil-Knievel brain behind FOX TV NETWORK NEWS, THE STILL ALIVE - But, JUST BARELY BREATHING, RUPERT (I OWN THE WORLD) MURDOCH."
At this point, Kelsey did a fantastic, Drop Your Pants, gag, with a sign popping out of his red, white and blue boxer shorts that read:
"REPUBLICANS CLOWNING AROUND TO MAKE AMERICA LAUGH . . . CRY . . . AND SCREAM OUT LOUD - The GREATEST CIRCUS IN THE WORLD, THE NEW TEA-REPUBLICAN PARTY - A NEW FACE FOR THE OLD UGLY ONE.
"Sue Us - as we travel America, in the Brand New Republican Laughing Stock of the World's Political Circus of 2012,sponsored, in part, by the Warm Hearted Koch Brothers (Ed and Kochtopussy) who only beat their employees when they deserve it. See, The Wildest Side Show In The Universe - featuring ex-Celebrity Apprentice contestants.
"Come Join the Fun! Admission Is Free - Who Would Pay For This Circus? See RUSH LIMBAUGH - The Talking Head - Explode From Pent Up Gas; Watch Glenn Beck Crack Up Before Your Eyes and Hear Mourning Joe, Joe Scab-boro, Justify It All As God's Will . . . Coming To A Town Hall Near You . . . Hurry Before They Are Laughed Out of Town!
"Tickets available from all Fox TV Network News stations or stop by any of the 1000 Conservative Right Wing, Hate Talk Radio Shows for a free 666 Tattoo that get your entire inbred-family into The Republican Political Circus - at no expense to you because we know you don't have any money, we took it all!
This circus and the one in Wisconsin, brought to you by the nice Christian Folks at Koch Industry, Where The Righteous Right Is Almighty Right And Employees ARE TOLD WHO TO VOTE FOR & WHAT CHURCH TO GO TO. Do It For The Constitution - For America! - Because Reverend Graham and Pastor Terry Said It's In God's Will, God's Constitution And They Have The Only Copy Available.
(Cue Music Up: "Bring In The Clowns - Where Are The Clown")
Black Out! (Which, I did!)
ONLY IN AMER-REE-CA! Pigeon saying "flock off"!