WARNING: Some Of The Community of The Vine May Find This Gift Less Worthy! Others, Per Chance May Think It Quite Crass. As The Confessed Author, I Retain The Right To Be Conflicted: Agreeing With Both! In Truth, It's The Dirty Airings Of A Slightly Left-of-Centered, Fundamentally Flawed, Vast Right Wing Conspirator Traumatize By An Errant Childhood Spent High-Tailing It From Angry Confederate Flag Waving, Southern Christian Bullies In Battered, Back Firing, Rusty Old Pick-Up Trucks With Rifle Racks Tattooed Crudely To The Back of Their Shaved Heads!
Don't Cry For Me, AN-GORIEST, Nor Reach Compulsively For the CoH Button - Just Stop - "Right Cheer" - If Offended, You Be! READ NO FURTHER!
MS-NBCs Morning Joe, in this unbiased, warped liberals mind, is a soft sell, back-door, Right Wing, Conservative Conspirator with better manners than Glenn Beck, but, just as loony.
Mourning Joe recently claimed that "President Obama's base did not want the President to get Osama Ben Laden." (Southerns rarely say derogatory words like "kill" in mixed company when they can use the gentler form, "get", popularized by "Larry - The Cable Guy," in that now famous funny tag-line: "GET HER DONE!" (The new anthem shouted repeatedly at the opening of all Tea Party Nation Rallies, just before the rifle practice ceremonies.
Morning Joe, often mugs and often criticizes the near insane Glenn Beck on his morning show, but, as a Beck "wannabe", Joe can salt the wound with the best of them! On May 2nd, 2012, Mourning Joe, in his best Beck impression, to date, applauded the President for having the "courage to go against his base" and sign the Executive Order authorizing Navy Seals to terminate the worlds most wanted terrorist, Osama Ben Laden, in a night raid, deep inside Pakistan. But, with Mourning Joe wit , added a truck load of salt, by saying, "the President's base" didn't want him to go after Ben Laden. As, if Morning Toad, that avowed Southern Conservative Republican, would be in tune with the predominately liberal Democrat "base" or even known where our hide outs are located.
Nevertheless, Mourning Joe, boldly went where only Beck would go, and informed his legion of listless listeners that the "Presidents base wanted Osama out there because it helps Obama", he casually added, seeping coffee on that historic morning following the unprecedented raid and dishonored the Commander In Chief by deliberately "pissing on" the Presidents parade, as only a real Southern Gentleman can do.
Was Mourning Joe emulating Fox TV Network News's Cadre of Comedians, when he stated, in that soft Southern Lilt that makes "O-sa-ma" sound like "O-ba-ma" in that back handed manner that even a Rhesus monkey would get.
One, as impartial and objective as I am, has to ask the rhetorical question: Is Morning Joe, The NEW GLENN BECK, spewing political Hog-wash on MS-NBC?
This unbiased, political hack concedes that "Morning Joe" is prettier than Fox TV Network Blackboard Snooze Spokesperson - Glenn Beck. But, then who isn't? Beck is one ugly, crunched-up, toad-headed, Mixed Up Mormon mouthing Christian, Right Wing, Conservative Conspirator, Republican-Hate Mombo-Jumbo moron. And, we owe it all to that great patriot, Rupert Murdoch, the Australian billionaire and Media-God Head who hired, then fired our dear friend, Glenn Beck, the Beckerhead. Beck turned Political Jester has the slanted forehead, low IQ and "Wild Roars Of Nature" required to authenticate his Neanderthal ancestry, even without the requisite DNA test.
"Morning Joe," by contrast, is a much softer, more like-able commentator with a melodic sweet sounding Southern voice, slightly effeminate manners, similar to his close pall, Lynnsey Graham, (last seen bent over a toilet bowl in the Men's Room of a Dallas Airport), or, more closely akin to the Great White Hope, Newt Gingrich, when he is clearing pubic hairs from his throat after a night of "Whoring Around For My Country."
(STOP READING NOW )
"If You Are Experiencing Shame; Anxiety; Have Thoughts of Suicide; Trouble Swallowing, Difficulty Breathing or Coloring Within In The Lines; Or, If You Are A Trollop Experiencing Panic Attacks; Never Passed High School Math, Have An Inexplicable Urge To Talk In Tongues; Or, If You Are Experiencing Light Headiness Combined With Uncontrollable Bowels Movement Or A Rare But Sometimes Fatal Compulsion To Report Someone - Anyone For Violations of the CoH. (STOP READING, NOW.)
Go Immediately To The "Whites Only" Restroom of Your Choice and WASH YOUR HANDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU ARE CLEANSED.
- The Author
I haven't often mused about, you know, being tempted to, you know, do Joe. But if the world came to a sudden end on December 21Th, 2012, and, we, (me and "Pretty Boy" Morning Joe) were the only two people on the planet and there were no women left except for a female wildebeast and it was just me and "Morning Joe." I might succumb on a cold Winter night, lost in a snow drift with no blanket and Joe had one, and, if it was during the Worst of Times and I was really drunk on a case of Weeper of the House, former Mourning Joes's congressional room mate, Johnnie Boner's Old Fashioned Jack Daniel's Whiskey and, I mean really, really drunk.
Just like in that well-crafted moralistic story, Sodom and Gomorrah, the favorite Southern bed time story for children, I might forget my morale compass, cave-in, or not. You know, like that Southern Christian Hero, Lot. Remember? It is the preferred "morality play" preached every Sunday, except Mother's Day, from the pulpits of the leading homosexual hating TV evangelical, right wing Christian churches..
Sodom and Gomorrah, why, Mourning Joe, Christianity wouldn't be Christianity without it. If God wanted me to, like, apparently, He wanted Lots daughters to have sex with their father, drunken Lot. I might, too, if God wanted me to do so, you know, get drunk and ---- Joe.
It is in the bible somewhere. Known as the preferred allegorical story preached most by evangelical, self-appointed, back hills religions.
Which somehow brings me to Morning Joe's Lot, who looks a lot like a sober Lot on the morning after show.
Hell, Morning Job is "cute" but, this twisted sister, is one politically bent puppy and makes no apologies for his Conservative Right Wing Republican Theology. Honestly, growing up in the South, as Joe did, a White semi-male, church going, upward mobile, "goody two shoes" - is there any other choice?
No, only one: Conservative, Right Wing, Republican Theology/Politics?
If one wants to get into the right, "Whites Only" Country Clubs where you can use the "Whites Only Bathroom" and drink unmolested until your stomach burst at the "Whites Only" drinking fountain and play golf all day until the "Whites" of your eyes balls come rolling out of your White Head onto the "Whites Only" greens, while "Colored Folk" dance in the streets and take care of White kids for less than $2.00 a day, then you have no other choice than to be a prejudice White Cracker! It's tradition, in the South. And, how primitive would we be with out our TRADITIONS?
If one is born in the predominately WHITE new, gated South and considers oneself to be a "gentle-man," then, it goes without being said, that all White Boys "are required to be Conservative, Right Wing Republicans." It is the Gods awful simple historic truth which is code for RACIST; which is Code for: Hates Everyone That Isn't White; which is Code for: Narrow Minded, Inbred, Southern Brain-Fried, Ate-Too-Many-Green-Fried-Apples & Water Melon Rhine's, At Sheriff Bullhorn Annual Klan/Conservative Met The Candidates Family Values Picnic.
"It's the Law, boy!"
"If 'n you be WHITE, ed-u-ma-ca-ted middle or upper class boy in the DEEP SOUTH", (WHICH IS CODE FOR: ASLEEP Since the Civil War), there really isn't any option available to an up and coming White Boy, other than the Hangman Noose, so, popular as a logo with TEA REPUBLICANS.
I know, that there are a few Democrats left over from the racially divisive days of post Civil War, still wandering after all these years, somewhere in the Deep Sleeping South like Bill Clinton, but, Bill was just one step up from "Trailer Park Trash". A poor, working class white boy that didn't have enough money to hire illegal immigrants to do his "domestic chores". So, he doesn't count and like Elvis hung out with Blacks and played devils music. But, for the most part, everyone that is anyone in the Mason/Dixon Country of that late, great, political genius Jefferson Davis is a Card Carrying Member of the Conservative Republican Party. Those that aren't are shot, run off or forced to become Mormons.
"Red Necks" as some are affectionately called are all Southern Baptist Born "A-gin-ers" but, not because they choose to be, no, its because if they aren't, then they are excluded from the "White Bread Only," Southern Christian Country Clubs of the Elite-Whiter-Than White Southern Aristocracy and shunned by their "betters", if they ain't. It's state law in most Southern States - that's why they are so big on "state rights," so I have been told by someone like Trump was about President Obama birth certificate, "told by someone that the President was born in Kenya." But, we ain't prejudice.
Having lived in the South, I was constantly confronted with the derisive question: "What Are You - A Damn Yankee?"
"No, I am Welsh," I quickly learned to reply, because if you said, "Yes," those Southern boys brought out their "Dueling Banjos" and cast an eye out for the nearest tree to dangle you from until one cried "Uncle" or expired.
"Damn Yankee," my Southern Brain-Fried, first cousins of the Neanderthals companions would "hiss," piss in the grass while knotting ropes and whittling kindling wood stakes until their little white fingers were covered in bright, red, Confederate blood, which they were just crazy about for some strange reason.
"Perhaps, they are all Vampires?" I thought to myself, too timid to admit, that, "Yes, I am a Yankee". Thank you, my Christian, Southern boy companions for asking, and, now, good buddy, would you mind so terribly much to get your boot off my wind pipe - I need that for breathing, sir," I frequently croaked.
Southerns are so polite: "Madam" and "Sirs" just flow from their lips even as they are roasting some one that they just "Tarred & Feathered."
"Sir, is that too hot for you?"
Yes, it was paradise living in Texas, in lovely San Antonio, where I worked for a "Whites Only" television station, and later, attending the University of Houston as a part time drama major and full time horn-dog pursuing any thing in a dress, I confess. I spent a delightful Summer in the mid 60s at Six Flags Over Texas in Arlington, Texas where there are no blacks, no Hispanics, no Presbyterians, no known northerners, or hippies, Jews, Chinese or Socialists allowed, according to the Press Release from the Chamber of Commerce.
I experienced, first hand, the deleterious effects of the Rich, Colorful Mind Set of Oil Men; Southern Christians, Right Wing Conservatives Republicans as they enjoyed their brand of compassion. At an early age, I learned never to mention: "JFK, Catholics, Democrats, politics, the North, Liberals, Mexicans, or "N" peoples, as they are so politely called by "those good, old Southern Baptist Church going folk!"
Never, but, never bring up: "Anti-War protesters, hippies, Vietnam, Civil Rights, Civil Disobedience or the Civil War in polite society" on penalty of death or, at least a good "ass whooping," from a strapping group of Christian raised and bred fundamentalists, with their worn-torn copy of the Constitution Turned New American Bible Re-Written by Pastor Pat Robinson, ("that good old boy") and revised and updated today, by the lovely, gun toting, Pastor Terry, the pyromaniac.
To tell you the truth, which I rarely do, cause it hurts so much, I had never heard the "N" word mentioned as often as I did while living my lie in the South. Respectful, "ed-u-ma-ca-ted", Upper-Middle Class, Southern Aristocratic, Born-Again Christians were struck dumb with out it. They just couldn't utter a phrase without slathering a lot of "N" words over it first.
Not even when I attended a predominately Black college in Wilberforce, Ohio, where I eventually was "given" a degree, if I "would get the Hell outta there" - and don't tell no one you attended here either". No, not even in the Army, or Vietnam, nor the ghettos of Harlem where I hung out with my African-American buddy, Don Johnson, the poet, as we listen to Jazz and Blacks wailing on rich, white drunk folks picking up hookers on 125Th and Lennox Avenue. That summer in 1963 when we hitch-hiked together Looking for America and never found it.
But, that was way back then, in the Old South. Now, today, in the New South, most Southerners, like Mourning Joe, or Southwesters like former disc jockey turned Radio Hate-Talk Show Host, Rush Limbaugh, will tell you they are "not prejudice." They are realist.
"You Yankee, can't stand the truth," they are fond of saying.
Just ask a Southerner if they are prejudice . . . especially when they are drunk and ganging up on an old, aging, blind Black man that stumbled onto their side of the street by accident. They'll explain that they are just explaining the meaning of the bible and Gods plan for everyone and their place in it - to the errant brother via a physical medium, an "ass whooping," but, "we ain't prejudice."
I was reminded of all this the other morning, (of my time in the Hell of the South), when "Morning Joe" (the Pretty Boy) wearing his new "specs" for that "intellectual North East Coast" faux look ,stated categorically:
". . . that the PRESIDENT BASE DIDN'T REALLY WANT THE PRESIDENT TO GET OSAMA BEN LADEN". Southern gentlemen don't say kill - they say "get". And, have you notice that they all have a natural way of pronouncing "Obama" so that it sounds like "Osama". Isn't that clever?
Morning Joe, add libbed, that he "had to applaud the President for going against his base and having the courage to sign the order to send the Navy Seals in to 'get' Osama, because the Presidents base did not want that to happened."
Like, Morning Joe, the Pretty Boy, (that gentle Southern, soft spoken Conservative Republican elitist), is in touch with those of us in the dirty, socialistic, left wing, mostly homosexual, 60's radicals group that make up the core of the Presidents base?
Is this pretty Southern Conservative Republican (Is there any other kind?) becoming Moneyboxes new Glenn Beck? Pretty Joe, scrunching up his pretty face, posing in those "Hot Pink," very gay Tommy Hilfiger's, button down Oxford shirts that are so much the "rave" in NYC's Greenich Village, seemed that morning, so much more, than an oxymoron. He seemed like a real prejudice ass.
To me, Morning Joe is just another southern Cracker all hopped up on a childhood of Born Again, Racist, Fundamental Christian Right Wing Theology drummed into his narrow minded head at private, "all whites" school that run the intellectual machinery of the Conservative Movement, so popular, in the South and the Southwest, the geography favored by extreme, anti-government survivalist groups.
MS-NBC should fire this inbred, multi-generational racist. The last thing America need is another Right Wing, Crazy Religious Conservative Republican spewing their hate on the public airwaves, poisoning the political process with their Confederate interpretation of the Constitution of America and twisting it into a religious document that only they can properly interpret.
KICK THAT JEW HATING, SOUTHERN SOPHISTICATED, TALKING IN CODES, RIGHT WING NUT CASE OFF THE AIRWAVES - send him packing to the trash bin of the Confederacy and tell Mourning Joe the sad truth: The Confederacy is dead, brother. No more "N" people for you to look down your supercilious nose on!
We are all Americans!
PIGEON OFF! Way the Flock Off