Censorship is a peculiar pathogene that periodically sweeps through the body politics, entering the nations blood stream routinely via a "non-stop, continuous flapping, never napping, open-mouthed, constantly yapping politicians famous "pie hold."
There, in the pie hole, Censorship is often encouraged, re-introduced and/or inflamed by the Right Righteous, Born-Again, Evangelical Tea-Republicans tripping over themselves claiming that their God, the Born Again God, is speaking in tongues exclusively to them instructing the faithful on which "books to burn, which ones to ban and what Republican candidates to elect to public trust."
Not to be out done, the Republican Party, under the firm grip of Rupert Murdoch and the nice folks at Fox TV Network News promote Mel Gibson like aggressive bouts of Censorship that "ring true" with the God Fearing, Sean Hannity School of Conservative Republican Broadcast Journalism. Sean helped to establish this brand of Yellow Broadcast Journalism with generous assists by Rush Limbaugh in the first quarter, Ken Savage, Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly in the seceding ones before losing the entire game when he wasn't Raptured on Saturday, May 21 and had to return to his job as a paid alarmist.
Approximately, every five years or so, our research team, here, at the less than Prestigious Bird Droppings Intuition, observed after an all-night drinking binge, that Censorship, with its undisputed great value to America, rears its ugly head, arms, leg and upper torso like clock work and re-acquaints itself, over and over again with the pall bearers of the Republican Party, whose leering grins of the "walking dead" resemble those of the still-smarting "birthers" who lost their "Obama doesn't have a long-form Birth Certificate battle" and are looking lost and sad like racist morons.
Those of us in the know, the entire staff of lunatics at the less than prestigious Bird Droppings Institution know the truth, reality, including the way back to our rooms - because, as political scientist, we have retained the services of our very own unshaven, unkempt and unlikable version of that famous French seer-er, Nostradamus, and, therefore, have it on very good authority that the Republican Party is still "Stuck on Stupid".
Our seer-er, Nostrum-pigeon, the third (III), a French/Canadian carrier pigeon, predicted that this erratic Republican obsession with CENSORSHIP will continue within the Republican Party "until Hell Freeze Over," which Michel calculates is this coming Friday at 1:15 PM, Eastern Standard Time.
In my now-humbled, near-insane, Near-Octogenarian's near-sighted view, I have observed that Censorship is primarily offered up by Conservative Republicans with big bibles and small manhood gene-nones. Our recently indicted research staff, working with a generous grant from the Koch Brothers have amassed some "pretty incredible information" while hanging around most International Airport Men's rooms through out America, singing "Knock Three Times".
These displaced scholars, turned street-people/pick-up artists have independently confirmed that CENSORSHIP is the "preferred tool of the dimly-lit, power-hungry little minds" that are driven to impose their ironclad religious views onto the world by their narrow mindedness gene and, indirectly, onto a stubborn Left Leaning, Right Pee-ing Liberal, Postage Stamp Licking For Protein Near-Octogenarian - which really iritates my over active bladder.
Does Censorship affect you that way, too? The disease is spreading faster than a roller coaster; becoming more powerful that a speeding locomotiveand able to leap tall buildings with only two attempts. Thus, turning good Journalists into scurrying Urinalists; politicians into tattle-tale tattlers and political pundits into compulsive liars appearing nightly on Fox TV Network News.
The Bird Droppings Institute, A Think Tank For Non-Thinkers, composed exclusively of a left-leaning staff of lazy, dead beat liberals, and, one really fowl smelling Conservative fowl, are known world-wide as faux scholars that "don't know nothing and don't know that they don't Know Nothing."
Our gaggle of garnish eating fake political scientists have posed these unanswerable questions for political pundits the world over to ponder:
"What makes POMPOUS ASSES think that they alone know what is best - for the rest of the masses of asses? Because, regardless of race, creed or color - we all have one and some of us are nothing more - nothing less.
Why, White Brothers of the Be Still, Vacant-Minds Run-Shut Division of Fox TV Network News, is it that they alone, the P.A.s, RATHER THAN THE UN-BATHED MASSES OF ASSES, have appropriated the right to determine what is offensive and what is not; what should be Censored and what should not - be swallowed hard without the aid of water?"
"Alright class, hands up, no back-talking, no trash-talking, or, out-of-turn chattering and be respectful of others opinions, especially the Right Righteous Criminally Insane Conservative Republicans For Christ that want to shove their superior views down your heathen's throats", so saith, the teacher in my rotting near-octogenarian's collapsing mind.
"Need I remind you, to be mindful of the CoH? I will report you and even report my multiple selves if one of them offends me. I will poke it with a tree limb if I detect the slightest hint of degradation of a respected Right Wing Hate Speech Orator."
TEACHER: "Jonathan Livingston Pigeon, ("doctored") you LOUSY excuse for a human fowl, you may now address the class, but, keep your filthy LEFT HAND TIED BEHIND YOUR BACK, don't use offensive allegorical images that might remotely offend someone, OR EVERYONE, (depending on how good you are) and be sure to brush your teeth after eating, wash behind your ears and do not say anything about queer deers that steer crazy white folks near blind, dear!"
Jonathan: "Why do they do it, Ma'am?"
TEACHER: (The over paid, Socialist teacher, who single-handily is bankrupting America, warned everyone in the classroom via a Chaz Bone booming, rich baritone voice about "the odd steer sleeping in the bedroom closet".
She, of the no-good Wisconsin teacher's union, scared the bible thumping innocent Conservative children into wetting their beds and directly into the waiting arms of Sweet Jesus.
"The steer is waiting for you to fall asleep, dear," she cautioned. "Waiting, waiting that he can jump your bones in the dark of night and have his unspeakable way with the Innocent, the Righteous Right and the Three Blind Mice."
And, like vampires, BECAUSE OF THAT ONE BIT, The Innocent, will forever have their Intellectual Hymens broken unable to follow others blindly. Thus, this smarmy vile act, (practiced exclusively by Liberal Democrats) will cause the "sleeping normals" to one day grow up to be Cowboys and ride off out West searching, searching their whole life through for "Broke-back Mountain."
TEACHER: "What in the freaking world are you talking about, you left leaning Liberal B-word, Lunatic?"
Jonathan: "Why do the Right Righteous belch with such finite authority that such and this is unacceptable behavior and a flagrant violation of CofH (Code of Horrors) of newsvine.com and, therefore, mankind? Smite, thee, brother, to your knees".
TEACHER: (Directing her response from the center of the Far-Out Religious Right, the teacher, now stripped of her teacher union and unmentionables, responded: "You really are a sick puppy, Jonathan Livingston Pigeon. Fly, fly far away before I call former VP Dick Cheney and he will be force to use your sorry kikess for target practice."
Jonathan: "FOLLOW THE RULES OR GET OUT!" was the coded personal message that I received in response to an inquiry I wrote asking, "Why is my, so necessary and invaluable site being bleached out of existence?"
The Coptic non-returned message, which my staph's are currently laboring under, even as we distort, should be decoded NLT, December 21, 2012 at 1:30 PM, just in time for the End of Times Blow Out Party.
EDITORIAL ASIDE: Most third world leaders are keenly aware that my site, the PIGEON REPORT, provides solace to many of America's confined and greatly confused forced to endure hardship by a corrupt Socialist regime. Their only salve is called: Pigeon Report after my nom de plume, the self-same one that I callously, and, with malice, did "rip off" from that nimby-Bambi-looking, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, the Conservative idiot idealist that flew himself into a cliff wall as a self-destructive protest and is heard no more.
We, of the Birds & Nuts Party shall not that way go, I pledge.
As a disgruntled Columbidae (pigeon, for you Conservative, Born Again GED "wannabes"), I provide a much needed services to the over 26 million Americans in forced confinement, either in a prison, nursing home, or, like me, in an Institution. You see, I am confined here at the less than Prestigious Bird Droppings Institute, chained to by nest and "I can't get up".
Many of my readers . . . er. . . fans/inmates write to tell me that I provide them with a safe place to vent their own interior violence and pent up rages through encouraging them to send their "Hate Mail and Death Threats" directly to me, in the form of "comments viewed on a public site," rather than run the risk of having additional years added to their . . . er . . . "therapy" by sending them to the Warden.
Other, critics write to tell me to, "shut up."
As a lonely, postage stamp licking for protein, near octogenarian retiree and a certified oxymoron, I enjoy opening the letters sent to the Post Office's special bomb proof room where I pick up my mail.
Ted Brzezinski and I just love all the feed back and threats that we get from by fan/confiders. The Pigeon Report is a division of the Bird Droppings Institute that is "empowered by it creator with certain inalienable rights and is derisively called, A Right-Wing, Left of Centered, Fundamentally Flawed, Conservative Conspirators THINK TANK FOR SMART ALE-CS".
Critics claim that the Institute provides a worthless service for "a passel of under-served and misunderstood misanthropists," who are, sadly, too often vilified by their more pliant contemporaries primarily while off-premise, traditionally in grocery store Express Check OUT lanes, where they are the most vulnerable, bent over frantically searching their personal belongings for their miss-placed, over-extended credit card.
These the so-called, "societal freaks," desperately cluthing their unpublishable manuscripts are little understood - even to themselves and their arresting officers.
"I publish", they scream to the world on their way to jail, "not because I must in order to get tenure; there is no Publish or Perish mandate driving my crazy choo-choo, no sirree, Bob. I pro-vide this service because I am . . . well . . . a saint!"
You see, the nations prisons, bars and nut houses overflow with these little miss-understood miscreants that only want their "Mommy" to tuck them in at night, make their lunch for them, bail them out of jams, and, help/teach them to learn to vote a Straight, Non-Gay, Republican Ticket.
But, unfortunately, I am prevented from my calling - a calling that I hear from the Voices in My Ear & The Sneer on The Faces of the Anti-Queer.
Apparently, my site is monitored and controlled by a "twenty something" writer/ musician/poet/band member/gang member/newsvine employee bureaucratic/photgrapher who, when not writing lyrics for his band, or composing poetry, between the time he is writing his books, and, singing in the imaginary mind band, he sits somewhere in the bowels of newsvine.com flipping the Off and On controls of the Censor's Switch and fiendishly smiles at himself through his ornate, hand held mirror.
Why do they collapse my site, block access to the overly, universe inspired articles and poke out my bad, crossed right eyes with their bitchy terseness? I often imagine saying to them my 12 selves: "Which shall it be, today? The Evil LEFT eye or the Right Righteous Right eye, you decide - we punish! Pull the switch . . . Damn, that feels good".
I have been knocked off three separate times, brushed under the rug for violations that I know not of; each offense extended longer than the next with no explanation for the alleged crime. One revelatory comment that accompanied my first punishment commanded simply: "FOLLOW THE RULES OR GET OUT!"
Now my articles, wisdom and runaway genius is collapsed by the community and I get no feed back. Did I die? Am I in Hell? You can tell me. I know the hour approaches and too many cheer. Just tell me the truth: "Am I in Hell, GA?"
Is that what the Republican Party is saying to everyone that is not a card carrying, dues paying member of RNC? "Follow the rules or get out!"
Is there no charity in the newsvine.com community or on the world stage at large for the WORTHLESS, Pigeon Report, produced by the less than prestigious BIRD DROPPINGS INSTITUTE, located just a sharp right turn from Commonsense? Is no one home at the Inn?
Oh, please GOD, LET THEM SEE THE LIGHT! America once found a home for Werner Von BRAUN, the NAZI V-2 rocket inventor, why not a place for "Stuck on Stupid" Jonathan Livingston Pigeon, whose CHANNEL IN HIS HEAD boast, "I can see China From My Vagina Monologues."
Is that bad? Should I punish myself? Where are the censors when one needs them the most. Are the fashion police to follow? What is the correct times to wash your hands after each reputation that one murders? Is there still toast left in my oven?
FLOCK OFF FELLOW FOWL WEATHERED ENEMIES OF THE FOURTH ESTATE FOR I AM NOT VETTED!